You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
