Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
