he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't deserve a penis
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
