Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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