I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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