Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
