It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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