Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
