Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
