I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize