We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
