woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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