Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
