Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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