I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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