i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish I only lived at night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
