How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
