Your face is a jimmy john
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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