Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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