everyone is single if you try hard enough
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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