GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
