sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
