I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize