I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
