your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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