hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
be right there i have to get my cape
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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