Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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