What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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