just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
