I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
