Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize