I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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