I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize