I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
