I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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