great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
