Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
