he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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