I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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