Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
