I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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