The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
