we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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