dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
