I think my vagina is haunted
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
