The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
