you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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