Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize