Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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