He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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