hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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