She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
