All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
