Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
