woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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