what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
