How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
