You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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