I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
