I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
