There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
