last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
