I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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