come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
