did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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