My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
