watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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