The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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