bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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