And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found puke in my bra..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize