just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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