My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
