I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
