My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
